Trauma has a tremendous impact on our lives. It can change how we see the world, how easily we trust other people, and even how we think about ourselves. One of the questions we often hear from people who come through our doors is whether trauma erases the person we were before and defines who we are. The short answer is not exactly… but the longer, kinder answer matters more.
Trauma Changes Our Brain and Bodies
Trauma is the brain and body’s response to frightening, overwhelming, or life-threatening events. For many people, these reactions are time-limited; for others, memories, hypervigilance, nightmares, or avoidance can become persistent and cause ongoing disruption and challenges. Clinically, when reactions continue and significantly interfere with life, we look at diagnoses like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD, both of which are psychological and physiological responses, not moral failings.
Let’s look at this in perspective. A study on post-traumatic stress disorder among adults in Canada found that 8.5% of adults in Canada screened positive for PTSD, with moderate to severe symptoms—roughly one in 12 people. If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself, or a loved one, you’re far from alone.
Trauma, Identity, and Experience
A helpful way we explain it to families is with a metaphor: trauma is a chapter in your life, not the entire book. The chapter can be lengthy, containing some strong language or disturbing imagery. But other chapters exist, and new ones can always be written.
People often start to conflate behaviour shaped by trauma with who they are. They might say, “That’s just who I am now” after withdrawing from friends, reacting angrily, or feeling numb. And those are understandable strategies your nervous system developed to survive. However, they do not define your core worth or the totality of your identity. Evidence-based therapies, such as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), aim to tease apart your learned survival responses and your deeper values and goals. These therapies are particularly effective when delivered as part of a holistic treatment approach in a dedicated centre.
Recovery is Not About Erasing the Past
Let’s be clear. The goal of recovery isn’t to wipe memories or parts of our lives from our memory as if they never happened. Recovering from trauma is about integrating the traumatic experiences into our lives in a way that no longer hijacks them. Evidence-supported therapies like trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), EMDR, and structured group programs are effective in reducing the symptoms of trauma, helping people reclaim their relationships with friends and families, their professional lives, and their hope.
Through slow, steady work, we can notice the triggers, name our survival patterns, and practice different choices. We may still carry the memory of trauma—still mourn the parts of our life that were lost—but ultimately, we can aim to return to the activities we love and rebuild trust with our loved ones. That’s integration.
What Can Families Do?
Families are often desperate to “fix” things. The most powerful response is usually simple: listen without judgment, offer practical support, and encourage professional help when needed. Please trust us when we say that insisting someone “just get over it” is not an effective approach. We understand that this advice comes from a good place, but the truth is, it tends to increase the shame that people already feel. Instead, validate your loved one’s feelings. “What happened sounds really hard. I’m here for you if you want to talk or if you need support.” And if someone is in crisis, local emergency services or crisis phone lines are available for support. In Canada, you can call or text 9-8-8 for urgent mental health support.
But just like raising a child, it takes many people to support someone in healing from trauma. This isn’t because people healing from trauma are childish—it’s because people healing from trauma are people. And when things are really tough, or it feels like they’re staying difficult or getting worse, it’s a good idea to pause, zoom out, and think about the resources that are available to us, including seeking professional help. Remember, each person must seek help for themself, and we can’t push someone into healing.
Practical Steps Toward Healing
So, are you your trauma?
Definitely not. You are more than the worst thing that happened to you. Trauma can change how we behave, what we believe is possible, and how safe we feel — but with respectful, evidence-based care and supportive people around you, those survival strategies can soften, and your sense of self can grow in new directions.
If you or a loved one is considering treatment, start by talking to a trusted healthcare provider or reaching out to a centre that has a strong reputation for trauma-informed, recovery-focused, and evidence-supported services, such as Sunshine Coast Health Centre and the Georgia Strait Women’s Clinic. Recovery doesn’t look the same for everyone—look for care that respects culture and identity, meets people where they’re at, and makes use of peer support, as people heal best when they feel seen and understood. Contact us today to learn more about our services and to see if we can help you address your mental health and/or addiction concerns.
