The Metaphysics of Sober and Responsible

By Terence T. Gorski

October 22, 2007

I was going to write this article about the new understanding of addiction as a brain disease, but I couldn’t make the information come together in a clear, simple, and coherent way.  So I reflected upon the purpose of this column in It’s All Part of the Journey - to speak to the recovering community in a personal way about ideas that have shaped my own recovery.  The purpose is to share parts of myself and my thinking that have I held back in the past because they were not appropriate to share in the professional context in which I usually work.

It became clear that before discussing the intricacies of addiction as a brain disease, I needed to discuss the metaphysics that occur during the recovery process.  In the context of this article, metaphysics means the complex physical and spiritual interactions that occur during the addiction and recovery processes.

People usually don’t start recovery because they realize they have a brain disease.  I know that I didn’t.  This is often a helpful or even necessary second step.  Most of us begin recovery when something deep within us, something nonphysical or spiritual, moves us deeply.  This spiritual or metaphysical shift begins to change our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. As our beliefs begin to change, our internal computer programs reshuffle and a new perception of “the truth” begins to emerge. 

This new truth often begins with a fundamental awareness that we are not living in accordance with what we are meant to be.  We realize, in some vague and nonverbal way, that we are living the life of an imposter.  We are pretending to be someone or something that we are not. We are living someone else’s life pretending that it is our own.

This is because most people live their lives by acting out beliefs and cultural roles that were programmed into us by family, culture, and society that are in conflict with our true self – the person we were meant to be. Being an imposter also prevents us from understanding the meaning and purpose of our lives.  It keeps us from connecting in a deep and real way with our mission, purpose, or destiny.  As a result we become separated from the spiritual quest that is the essence of human life and alienated from our Higher Power (God or the primary organizing force that gives us life, meaning, and purpose).  

This spiritual alienation causes us deep and unremitting pain which has been described as angst – the deep pain of living a life that is not in accordance with our true and genuine self.  To deal with this angst (the deep pain of spiritual alienation), many of us turn to alcohol and other drugs.  These drugs activate an addictive brain response that causes a dramatic increase in pleasure chemical and a reduction in warning chemicals that alert us to unmet needs and potential threats. We have found a magical substance -  a medicine if you will – that takes away this feeling of spiritual pain.  I have heard recovering people describe this spiritual pain as a hole in their soul that allows the cold and bitter winds of winter to echo through their being. Since the drug of choice works so well for the addict to temporarily medicate the deep psychic pain, it becomes necessary to maintain the false front and to contain the shame, guilt, anger, fear, and pain that this false front or false self attempts to hide and contain.

Being a Human Being
I believe that all of us, as human beings, are more than just brain circuits firing and neurochemicals bouncing around in our brains.  In other words, I know that we are more that just our physical brains.  There is a nonphysical or spiritual aspect to our experiences that make us human.  The brain supports and is organized, within limits, by these nonphysical aspects of our humanity.

Two Aspects of Human Reality
The ancient Greeks believed that people are the combination of two aspects of human reality – the physical and the nonphysical.  The physical pertains to our bodies and the physical world in which we live. The nonphysical is composed of everything else.  This everything else can be broken down and described as a complex interaction of mental objects, the most common of which are thoughts, feelings, mental images, urges, and actions.  Our actions connect our nonphysical being with the physical world around us including people and things.
The ancient Greek philosophers simply described these nonphysical elements of human existence as the spiritual.  The nonphysical (spiritual) and the physical (people and things around us) are in constant and continuous interaction on many levels.  We are consciously aware of some of these levels, other are subtle and occur automatically and unconsciously.  The interaction and integration of the physical and nonphysical is often called the metaphysical. 

Metaphysics and Recovery
Whenever I try to reflect deeply on something of importance I start by identifying the key words that describe the concept that I am reflecting upon.  Then I go to the dictionary and look up the word and read the definition.  (In the age of the internet this is as easy and going to www.dictionary.com).  Here are the key concepts related to the idea of metaphysics:  (1) Concerned with abstract thought or subjects such as existence, causality, meaning, purpose, truth, etc.; (2) Concerned with the first principles or ultimate grounds for existence such as being, time, space, substance, etc.; (3) Concerned with the highly abstract or theoretical reflections on the nature of humanity and world; (4) nonphysical, immaterial; incorporeal.  (5) Real, but not in a physical sense.  (6) Supernatural, spiritual, or that which cannot be fully described by science.
So in this article we are going explore how to get a handle on the basic skills needed to bring our nonphysical self (our spiritual self) into alignment with our true self (who we are meant to be), so that we can find the meaning and purpose required to stay committed to living a sober and responsible life.

The Role of Language
Language programs the brain and connects us with both the mundane actions of daily living and the higher spiritual concepts and experiences of that give meaning and purpose to our recovery.  Rather than explain how language programs the brain, which may be a future article, I want to explain the ways that I have used and taught others to use language to keep them connected with their true self in order to stay motivated to live a sober and responsible life.

Language as a Command Structure
Language provides us with core beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world.  These beliefs answer the questions:  Who I am and what is expected of me in life?  What are other people all about and what do they expect of me in order to belong and be cared for?  What is the world like and what do I need to do to survive and be reasonably happy.   Most importantly, those beliefs tell us if we are capable of being the kind of person we need to be in order to meet the requirements of others and world. 

These core beliefs, which are developed in the first six months of life, create a command structure that is composed of automatic thoughts that shape and direct our behavior.  These thoughts turn on when needed, take over control of our rational brain, and then turn off when they are no longer needed.  These automatic thoughts tell us what we must do and can’t do in order to survive and thrive in the world and get along with the people who occupy it. These automatic thoughts cause us to unconsciously lock onto evidence that support our beliefs and block anything that will challenge our beliefs.  This focuses both our mind and our brain on what we believe at the time to be of critical importance. 

We can learn, identify, and change our core beliefs and to consciously manage our automatic thoughts.  It’s a difficult and long process, but we can learn to think habitually in ways that will keep us connected with a spiritual source of courage strength and hope that allows us to stay sober. 

Reflections for Sober & Responsible Living
In the rest of the article, I will share some of the ways of thinking that I have found helpful, that are supported in spiritual and psychological literature, and that I have taught to others who reported that they found them helpful.  To make these thoughts a part of yourself, take time to sit quietly each day with a list of these thought in hand.  Read each thought two or three times taking a deep breath in between each repetition.  Then ask yourself: “What would it mean to me if this were true?”  Then try to clear your mind, detach and notice what ideas, images, memories, future fantasies or plans, and feelings come to your awareness.  Repeat this process about three times with each reflection.  Normally, one or two reflections will take fifteen to twenty minutes.

Reflection #1:  Be Still and know that I am God!"  This is one of my favorite reflections. It puts me in my place. I am not God. I am but a creature of God. My job therefore is clear, to make a conscious connection with God or my Higher Power.

 Reflection #2: There is a quiet voice of guidance that speaks to us in moments of silent reflection.  We can learn to listen to that voice.  If I am still, clear my mind, relax my body and listen carefully within, sometimes I can hear the small and quiet voice that has guided me this far in me life. When I follow it, great things happen that help others. When I don’t follow it, when I try to forget that I am not like most people who can ignore the spirit and act out their learned social roles, I really mess up my life.  In 12-Step spirituality it is called "taking back control from our Higher Power." 

Reflection #3:  I ask my Higher Power (the God of my understanding) for one essential thing:  “God, grant me the knowledge of your will for me and give me the courage to carry that out!”  This meditation tells me that I was born for a reason. It tells me that I have a destiny, that I am clean and sober for a reason. Most importantly, it reminds me that I have the duty to listen for the small voice that tells me of my purpose.

Reflection #4:  Teach me of your will for me so that I may make a conscious decision to align my personal will with yours.  Here is another demanding disciplining: deciding to align my personal will with the will of God.  For the sober and responsible person that is a pretty high standard.  This is because from the position of sobriety and responsibility we see more of the world and we see it differently from those who continue to medicate the pain of their existence.  We know more of ourselves and the world and we know differently.  This is because we consistently practice of our recovery program by constantly seeking progress but not perfection.  As a result, we have a greater opportunity to participate in the world, find meaning, purpose and a peace that defies description.  Then we can choose to contribute to the well-being of others and the world. Yes, the world! 

Reflection #5:  Through God all things are possible.  I relate this reflection with the 12-Step slogan Easy does it, but do it!Nothing great value ever happens quickly. It emerges from slow and consistent effort and energy applied consistently over time. With God all things are possible, but we can only find that quit voice of God speaking within us.  We can find that voice only by doing the small things that we need to do each day to be sober and to act responsibly. 

Reflection #6: We are fallible human beings capable of learning through failure: Fortunately, when we are connected with our sober and responsible self, we know that we are fallible human beings.  We know that we will make mistakes and fail many times.  Some of our failures will bring great pain to ourselves and those that we love. With failure however, can come learning.  With learning can come growth, and with growth we can make amends to others and take action to correct the damage caused by our human fallibility and the mistakes we will inevitably make.

Reflection #7:  I have the courage to follow that voice, but I must choose to do so and pay the price required.  I have the courage to do what must be done to stay clean and sober, but it will not be easy.  Life is difficult.  The big lie of our culture is that there is an easier and softer way that will give us pain free pleasure.  This is not true.  I must search within myself to find the courage to follow that quiet inner voice, even though at the moment it usually seems like what that spiritual voice is asking of me is dangerous, useless, or impossible. So I become tempted to move the path of sober truth into the path of either fear, anger, or despair.

Reflection #8:Time plus consistent effort provides lasting results.  Fortunately, each day I can begin again, even if I have fallen short on the day before.  This is because of the tremendous resiliency and responsibility given to those who strive to be sober and responsible.  Resiliency means we can find the courage, strength, and hope to bounce back from adversity and to see our failures as temporary set backs This responsibility requires great discipline in recovery.  To continue to learn and grow in recovery requires the consistent practice of the basic principles of physical, psychological, social and spiritual health.  It requires regular periods of meditation and reflection on the basic or first principles of recovery.  Most importantly it requires us to listen to and properly use the personal will guidance given to us by that quiet voice within.

 

Reflection #9:  God is all knowing! God is all powerful! God is all present! In deep meditation and reflection I can allow the wisdom, the power, and the presence of God to flows within me and through me. Then I can give it away by allowing it to flow through me to others by sharing power of loving concern. As a result, our spiritual connect can make us a positive change agent in the world. We will attract others to the sober responsible life and learn and grow by helping them to learn and grow.  This, again, is a 12-Step Principle:  In order to keep it, we must give it away!

Reflection #10: I am responsible for my behavior and its consequences! When I choose the behavior, I choose the consequences.  These consequences reverberate through time and space creating consequences of their own that we may never know about.  Justice is the logical consequences of our behavior on us, others, and the world. In other words, what goes around comes back around.  If I have problems in my life, those problems may well be related to the consequences of my previous behaviors.  To be responsible, I must learn to navigate my personal time line.  This means: (1) learning to be aware of the present situation and my personal inner reactions to it; (2) learning to detach and reflect upon what is happening; (3) learning to recall similar situations from the past without becoming trapped in the past, and (4) learning to bring the lessons of the past back into the present by pausing and thinking it through before I act it out.  I do this by imagining the future consequences that my current actions might produce and the then bringing that knowledge back to the present.

In Conclusion
There are many more principles that guide my recovery.  I am not perfect.  I make many mistakes.  I strive, however, not to allow my mistakes to defeat me.  I keep getting back up and trying again.  Somehow, I have always been given the courage, strength and hope to do this.  It usually, however, requires the help and support of others who love me. 
As you become sober and strive to live responsibly, remember who you really are!  Take yourself and your quest for sobriety and responsibility seriously!  Act as if your life and the survival of the world depend upon you - because it does.

We can avoid becoming grandiose with this awareness by remembering the source of all of the knowledge, love, and power that flows through us.  We are but an instrument of that ultimate knowledge, love and power.  We can be an instrument of the true, the good, and the beautiful – but only if we learn the difference between our true self (our God-given destiny) and our false ego (the personality and beliefs programmed into our consciousness by the world).  

Ongoing growth is the responsibility of all people, but those of us who are clean, sober, and living responsibly have a greater responsibility than others – we have the responsibility to stay centered in the good, listen to the quiet voice of God, and do what it is that our destiny requires.  It’s really not a choice, because if we don’t live in this way we become miserable and our risk of relapsing back into our addiction goes way up.  By living in accordance with the principles of sobriety and responsibility we will lead others by the example of our own life.  Humility, however, reminds us to find and listen to the quiet voice of God that speaks within, and refuse to empower the loud voice of ego and culture programmed by the world that echoes all around us distracting us from our destiny.

Humility - the honest knowledge of who we are in both our strength and our weakness.  Take seriously your responsibility to act upon your strength with both the guidance of your inner voice and the results of sanity-testing conversations with trusted mentors, advisors, and sponsors who believe in you and your destiny and who will encourage and empower you, not discourage and disempower.

Here is a reflection that, for me, integrates the other reflections that I discussed in this article:  “Be still and know that I am God - for with me your all things are possible!”
Remember that you are a critical link in the chain life.  You have a critical role to play in the evolution of human consciousness.  Believe it! Know it! Never forget it! And most of all, never let anyone talk you out of it.
Terry Gorski, October 22, 2007