Drug Rehab Center

As motivational psychologists Elaine Aron & Arthur Aron say, “caring for others is central to meaning.” It’s a survival tactic but much more than that – We need a connection with something greater than ourselves. In this 5th and final video reviewing Paul Wong’s 2nd edition of The Human Quest for Meaning, Geoff Thompson suggests that people avoid others not because they don’t want to be with others but, rather, because they are uncomfortable around other people or feel out of place. Many of the clients at Sunshine Coast feel a disconnection with family and this is typically a focus of their concerns.

In part 4 of our series reviewing Paul Wong’s 2nd edition of Human Quest for Meaning, Geoff Thompson reviews the concept of Self-Determination Theory developed by psychologists Richard M. Ryan & Edward L. Deci. The theory suggests that I will be more content in life if I feel in charge of it. A starting point can be what you truly want out of life. In other words, figuring out what makes you happy, makes you angry, etc. Ryan & Deci theorize that meaning-making is necessary for human happiness. What is important to you? What gets me up in the morning? This is a key question to ponder, according to motivational psychologists like Ryan & Deci.

In this third installment, Geoff Thompson reviews Dr. Paul Wong’s book on the Human Quest for Meaning. In the preface of his book, Dr. Wong points out that there are subjective and objective meanings. Subjective meanings are things I feel good about. Objective meaning is what the research tells us is rational or observable by our five senses. Objective meaning serves as a “reality check” for our whims and desires. Society, through the criminal justice system, tells us what we can and cannot do based on whether or not it harms others. Objective meaning can also guide us about what we pursue based on what we feel good about. For example, research on wealthy individuals are not necessarily happier than people who have 6-figure incomes. Objective ways of finding meaning need to be integrated with subjective meaning – we need to attach ourselves to the hopes and aspirations of others as well as our own personal desires.

In this 2nd installment Geoff Thompson highlights Dr. Paul Wong’s PURE model: Purpose, Understanding, Responsibility, and Evaluation/Enjoyment. Purpose: what gets you up in the morning? What matters to you? Different people have different purposes in life. Understanding: who are you? What’s going on in the world around you? How do you make sense of the world? Responsibility: are you the author of your life? Do you accept the decisions you make in life as responsible for how your life has turned out? How do you deal with life’s events outside of your control such as illness? Evaluation: do you take a step back and reflect on your life from time to time? Are my goals congruent with what I want out of life? Enjoyment: are you enjoying life? If not, then something needs correcting. According to Dr. Wong, the PURE model represents the main components of living a meaningful life.

Geoff Thompson introduces the 2nd edition of Human Quest for Meaning, edited by Dr. Paul Wong. Dr. Wong’s work is largely influenced by Austrian psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl. Dr. Wong’s work has been to introduce a psychological, research-based version of Dr. Frankl’s main theory of finding meaning (Dr. Frankl is most famous for the bestseller, Man’s Search for Meaning). In his book, Dr. Wong devotes a chapter to ‘threats to meaning’ such as a car accident, near-death experiences, the loss of a loved one, life-threatening illness, etc. These events can shake up one’s world. Aging can also be a threat to meaning so it’s no surprise that at the addiction treatment center where Geoff Thompson is a director, the average age of clients is mid- to late-thirties when clients realize that they are getting older and that something (such as their addiction) has to change. ‘Hitting bottom’ is a common experience for people with addictions and it’s a time where they are forced to make a change in life. Hitting bottom can also be a time when life no longer makes sense so, in other words, is a threat to a meaningful existence.

By Geoff Thompson, Ph.D. (cand.), CCC
Program Director at Sunshine Coast Health Center

In his new book, The Human Quest for Meaning, Dr. Paul Wong brings together a number of authors all talking about meaning and purpose in life. In this blog article, we’ll examine some ways that psychologists — who specialize in meaning therapy — have treated those suffering from addictions.

At Sunshine Coast, much of the therapy is based on the work of Dr. Paul Wong. But Dr. Wong is not the only expert in this kind of therapy. In the beginning, it was Viktor Frankl, who said that addiction was a response to living a life that had little personal meaning. Frankl influenced many therapists, who designed treatments either based directly or indirectly on his ideas.

As you will discover, none of the therapists we’ll talk about treat an “addict” or an “addiction.” They do not believe that a complex individual can be reduced to a single condition. Simply because some people succumb to addiction does not mean that they suddenly stop being complicated human beings with their own personal experience of the world. They still need to love and be loved, feel a sense of accomplishment, live up to their own standards for themselves, feel they are the authors of their lives, believe that their lives are worthwhile. So, these therapists treat a complex, unique person, who happens to have an addiction problem. The focus is on the whole human being, not on the condition.

Treating an “addict” might make sense if all addicts had common personalities, ways of thinking, and so on. Some people do believe that all addicts have an “addictive personality” — it’s remarkable how popular this idea is — it does not, in fact, exist. People who suffer from addiction do not have any special personality type or personality traits, which make them all in denial or narcissistic, and so on. As William R. Miller, one of the major experts in the field reminded us, five decades of scientific research trying to discover this mysterious “addictive personality” have shown that there is no such thing. The research is quite clear that those who succumb to addictions are as unique and complex as everyone else. To put it another way, they’re human.

Being human means they have needs and desires. It means that they have all sorts of emotions: guilt, joy, sadness, anger, pride, and so on. It means that they have formed some identity of themselves. It means that they have formed some sort of understanding of how the world works.

So let’s have a look at how expert therapists treat addiction. This will give you some clues to your own recovery. Although these therapists did not talk to each other, they interpreted addiction and recovery in very similar ways.

Jonathan Diamond

Dr. Diamond wrote a famous book called Narrative Means to Sober Ends. He believes that we are the stories we tell ourselves. This is a fairly new type of psychology, known as narrative psychology.

Diamond argues that we discover who we are through our narratives, through the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. We do not first have meaning in our lives and then tell a story about it; rather, we discover our life’s meaning through our stories.

The alcoholic might say to himself or herself such things as “I need a drink” or “I’m powerless over drinking” or some other comment that makes it sound as if alcoholism is some external force that has taken over the person. The alcoholic who believes this has, basically, given up the very thing that makes them human: the responsibility to make decisions that will help them live the kind of life they want.

Diamond’s therapy helps clients create a new story of their lives, one in which they are not at the mercy of the addiction. The therapy can be seen as helping clients understand what it means to be human, because Diamond proposes is that the experience of addiction is a human experience.

Jeff Singer

In this blog, we’ve talked before about Dr. Jefferson Singer, who wrote Message in a Bottle: Stories of Men and Addiction. He worked in a residential treatment center that admitted only clients who had detoxed at least seven times and been in treatment at least six times. (Dr. Singer is no longer at the center.) He was interested in why male addicts would return to drug use even after being exposed to several mainstream addiction treatments.

Like Jon Diamond’s ideas, which we examined last week, Dr. Singer believes that the stories that addicts tell themselves about who they are and their place in the world is a major problem for them. Singer says that addicts have a very poor sense of who they are (identity) and a very poor sense of fitting in the world (they have weak relationships with others). In fact, it is because of this that addicts use substances. The alcohol and drugs serve as a doomed attempt to deal with the poor sense of self and poor sense of fitting in the world.

His therapy helps clients develop a positive identity and connect with others at a deeper emotional level. If they can achieve a more positive view of themselves and what they truly want from life, then they can finally discover what makes their lives meaningful. This is why Dr. Singer says that addiction is basically a problem of “meaning.” As one reviewer described it, Dr. Singer’s approach is “deeply humane.”

Ballinger, Matano, and Amantea

Drs. Barbara Ballinger, Robert Matano, and Adrianne Amantea worked with an alcoholic, whom they called “Charles.” They pointed out that mainstream treatments for addiction have very low success rates. They suggested that the reason for these poor success rates was that what the addict really needed was to learn to be comfortable with negative emotions, because negative emotions are as much a part of life as positive emotions. These negative emotions are not superficial ones, such as getting angry at a motorist who cuts you off. Rather, they are the result of deep anxiety over death, loneliness, and so on.

According to Ballinger, Matano, and Amantea, there’s no sense trying to have only positive emotions because human beings are not built that way. This was the power of the drug—it allows the addict the feeling of being in control of his emotions. But the long-term problem was that the client lost a sense of who he is and where he is going. In fact, all that using meant that he wasn’t paying much attention to himself. This also influenced his relationships, which revolved around drug use and not around the security and contentment of being with others.

Their therapy consists of helping clients live with many uncomfortable emotions. They are not very interested in providing information on how drugs affect the brain or the pros and cons of getting a new job. Rather, they try to help clients realize that it is okay to be angry or sad or feel guilt—and no need to use drugs to get rid of them. The therapy also helps them connect with others (in this case, with the therapist). Addicts are not very good at connecting with others. Clients learn to be attentive to others, to meet them on a level playing field, to experience what it means when two people form an open and trusting relationship.

James Crumbaugh

Dr. James Crumbaugh developed a treatment for alcoholism based on Viktor Frankl’s form of therapy known as “logotherapy.” (Logo equals “meaning,” so this is meaning therapy.) Crumbaugh wrote a famous book, Logotherapy: New Help for Problem Drinkers (and Frankl wrote the foreword to this book).

Crumbaugh believes that we all need each other. He suggests that Frankl believed the same thing. As he writes in his book, “everybody has to have somebody in order to find a personal identity as Somebody.” What he means by this is that we feel important only if someone else treats us as if we are important; you can’t feel important if you are alone. We thus need to love and to be loved, to feel that others think we are worthwhile, to feel that others think we are accomplishing things in our lives, to feel that others think we’re good people, and so on.

His treatment is a five step process: (1) Choosing your view of life, (2) building self-confidence, (3) creative thinking, (4) encounter, and (5) dereflection. Crumbaugh says that you have two choices on how to view your life: “Man is merely a machine” or “Man is a machine, but he is also infinitely more than a machine.” The second and third steps refer to the belief that you are capable of overcoming addiction and that you have the determination to do so. The fourth step, encounter, refers to connections with other people According to Crumbaugh, it’s a mistake to think that you can find meaning by having the perfect job or playing music alone or any other thing that is not people-focused. The value of these things for meaningful living is that they are vehicles that bring us into contact with others. Dereflection, the fifth step, is one of Frankl’s therapeutic techniques. According to Crumbaugh, dereflection “is the core of the logotherapeutic process of searching for meaning and purpose in life.” This technique helps the addict shift focus from failures and shortcomings to abilities, successes, and aptitudes. Paying attention to these positive attributes is, of course, necessary if one is to find new goals and ”discover tasks that will bring him into sufficient relationship with the ‘significant others’ in his life.”

Conclusion: Lessons from the Expert Addiction Therapists

In this article, we’ve been discovering how different expert therapists, who believe addiction is a response to a lack of meaning and purpose in life, provide treatment to help their clients overcome addiction.

By now, you’ve likely realized that these therapists share many ideas on what it means to be addicted and what it means to recover. In a nutshell, they are convinced that addiction (and recovery) can be understood only at a human level. Any idea that addiction is something imposed on a person—such as addiction is a disease—has no place in their thinking.

Here are four common themes that these therapists help us understand.

First, they believe that therapy for addiction is all about helping clients appreciate that they are complicated, unique individuals—not just drug users who need to be fixed.

Second, they believe that addicts in recovery must learn to form strong emotional connections with others. Evolution has hard-wired us to be with others. In fact, we discover who we are by how others treat us.

Third, they believe that recovery is all about having real-life positive experiences. Recovery is not merely learning about new ways of living; it’s not some intellectual exercise. It’s about actually living, experiencing the world.

Fourth, they believe recovery demands that you make sense of yourself in a new, positive way. We’ve all fallen below the standards we set for ourselves. The key is to learn from “failures” and “shortcomings,” not see ourselves as failures.

By Geoff Thompson, Ph.D.(cand.), CCC

Sunshine Coast Health Center defines addiction in line with the great psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, who said that addiction is a response to living a life that has little personal meaning. If Frankl is right—and a growing body of research is saying he is — then those suffering from addictions are faced with having to discover or create a life that has purpose and meaning for them.

According to Frankl, people succumb to addiction because they feel they are different than others, lonely, bored, confused, depressed, lack direction, have no purpose, have no goals, etc. This isn’t a matter of growing up poor or lacking education. We know that many addicts are wealthy and highly educated. Rather, addiction affects a cross-section of society, with the defining issue that life just doesn’t seem that comfortable. Essentially, their lives of those vulnerable to addiction do not offer much bang for the buck.

The solution to addiction is thus to live a life that is personally meaningful, a life that fills you up. This is all fine and good, but actually living a personally meaningful life is the end result. The real question each person must ask is: What do I do to live a personally meaningful life? What are my goals? What is my mission? What is my purpose in life?

This impulse to make sense of one’s life is a fundamental motivation for human beings, according to psychologist Dr. Paul Wong, whose work forms the basis for Sunshine Coast’s treatment program. This is one of the reasons why Sunshine Coast puts a special focus on what Wong calls “the human quest for meaning” and why Sunshine Coast agrees with AA’s saying: “To thine own self be true.”

This article will provide you with some insights into what all the talk of meaning in life is about.

Part One: The Problem of No Meaning

Here’s a reminder of some of the things we’ve mentioned in previous online programs about the meaninglessness of the addict’s life.

Many fine thinkers have helped us understand the addict’s struggles. Addicts do not live a personally meaningful life (Viktor Frankl). They lack a sense of belonging (psychologist Bruce Alexander). They can’t answer the questions, “Who am I?” and “How do I fit in the world?” (psychologist Jefferson Singer). They are not true to themselves and what they want out of life (psychologist Stanton Peele). Living frightens them when they are sober (addict-playwright Eugene O’Neill). They think they are different than others (musician Eric Clapton).

Alcoholics Anonymous and all 12-step programs focus on spirituality because believing in a higher power can provide those in recovery with an overarching meaning for their lives. Understanding that they lack spirituality—according to AA/NA—helps addicts make sense of why they are suffering. As NA states, the addict’s life is “meaningless, monotonous and boring.”

Many in recovery have willingly accepted what others told them is meaningful in life, without really believing or feeling it. A typical example is the recovering person who joins a Church. Perhaps he sees people there are smiling and welcoming. They provide him with direction. But after a few months, he doesn’t seem to really be getting a better life. Perhaps he feels there is something wrong with him that he is not “getting it.” Others encourage him to stick it out, but he’s just not feeling better. This was one of Frankl’s cautions. Meaning cannot be imposed on the individual. Meaning must be personal. It’s no use getting a high-paying job, buying a house with a white picket fence, driving a new car, etc, if it doesn’t help you feel alive. Your parents may want such a life for you, but the key is that it must be what you want.

Part Two: The Problem of Too Many Answers

In a very real sense, the problem of finding what is meaningful in life may be that we are faced with too many answers.
Today, we have so many different ways of making sense of life. The local bookstores provide any number of answers. Some of the more common titles focus on mindfulness meditation or happiness. A YouTube video from Jeremy Rifkin tells us that it’s all about empathy:

Click Here for Jeremy Rifkin Video on Empathy

(You should know that Rifkin bases much of his thinking on the neuroscience discovery of “mirror neurons”; most neuroscientists today, however, question whether these neurons are really the physical basis of empathy, as was originally thought.)

David Seaman put together a book entitled “The Real Meaning of Life.” He tells us how he came to create the book: “On October 10, 2004, I was sitting with my laptop at a café in New York City trying to avoid writing a paper for my first-year humanities class. In a moment of despair, I typed ‘What is the meaning of life?’ into an online forum. Fifty thousand hits and two thousand answers later . . .” he had the material for his book. What Seaman discovered is that everyone seems to have their own answer.

The problem of all these meanings of life is which do you select? Many of them trip over each other, so they cannot all be right—though they can certainly all be wrong. One book tells you to rid yourself of the illusion of the self. According to this thinking, what you believe about yourself is simply an illusion. This illusion has been forced on you by my parents, teachers, society. But it’s all artificial. If you can get rid of, what the book calls, your “ego-self,” then you can connect with the reality of the universe. But another book tells you that you have to pursue what makes you happy. Rather than get rid of yourself, you have to pay more attention to it. Yeow! Unfortunately, all these teachers seem quite convinced that they are right and the others missed the boat.

Part Three: A Lesson from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

In “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” Douglas Adams describes a computer called “Deep Thought.” The computer takes 7.5 million years to provide the answer to the universe. The solution is “42.” Another computer has to be built to figure out what the question is that Deep Thought answered! (British philosopher Terry Eagleton considers this little story as a symbol for today’s world. It seems as if the answers today are less important than the questions.)

Many people are looking for answers—likely, you are one of them. But maybe figuring out the meaning of your life has little to do with an answer to a question. Maybe it’s got to do with a way of living. According to the famous writer Albert Camus, “You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” What he meant by this is that the meaning of life is the actual living of it.

Thinking about life is a weak substitute for experiencing life. But it is important to reflect on your past, present, and future. Thinking about your life can influence how you interpret your experiences. And your experiences give you stuff to think about.

Part Four: A Way of Living

I am suggesting that the answer to the question, What is the meaning of life, is not an answer to a question but a way of living. It’s very telling that the history of AA is the history of what actions people took to get recovery — not what they thought about.

Many people have provided clues as to what you can DO to live a personally meaningful life. I’ve talked about these before in previous articles. Here’s a reminder of some of them:

- Do things for a purpose and not merely to keep busy, busy, busy.
- Do things based on what you truly want out of life, and not based on your fears.
- Try new things simply for the experience.
- Remember: “To thine own self be true.”
- Care for others.
- Live from the inside out.
- Love and be loved.
- Attach your life to something bigger than you are.
- Recognize that all people are imperfect, including you.
- Ask for help when you need it.
- Learn that negative emotions can be very useful, if you choose to use them for your benefit.
- Remember Rule 62: “Don’t take yourself so seriously.”
- Get rid of any thoughts that include “If only….”
- Take responsibility only for yourself (except if you have kids, of course).
- “Live life on life’s terms.” (Viktor Frankl’s version: “What does Life demand of you?”)
- Don’t “should” on yourself.
- If you don’t know what to do, do the next right thing.

By Geoff Thompson, MA, CCC
Program Director
Sunshine Coast Health Center

In this article, we’ll take a look at some of the tools we give Sunshine Coast clients in their recovery toolbox. Lots of alumni have told us that life is great now. They’ve blown the smoke off their lives and had a good, long look about what it is they want out of life. And they are putting in the time and effort and creativity to achieve goals.

But some alumni are struggling, even if they have not had a slip. They usually tell us that they have lost sight of goals, are dwelling on a family conflict or problem at work, afraid to take risks that will challenge them, are living life for others, and so on. This article is an overview of what clients learn at Sunshine Coast.

The bottom line for all these tools is this: we all have one life to live. No thunderbolt from the heavens is going to save us. That’s our job. Our alumni who are already taking charge of their lives know this is true, because they tell us it is. Those who are struggling also know this is true — they suffer because they don’t do anything about it. We typically hear from those who are struggling, “I know what I have to do but I’m not doing it” or “I’m not following my aftercare plan.”

Whatever we choose, the question to ask ourselves is this: How is my life working out for me? If we are unhappy, or feel that something is missing, then this is a sign that we need to do something to change things. The great addict-writer William S. Burroughs said that no one ever wants to be an addict. This is one of the main reasons why addicts suffer. They spend a lot of time and effort pursuing a life that they really don’t want. So, the job for those in recovery is to find a life that they do want.

In recovery, this life isn’t going to just drop into our laps. We actually have to work at it.

Recommendation # One: Take Charge of Your Life 

                               
1.1) Be the author of your life – Some of the greatest psychologists remind us that each person is in charge of his or her life. Each of us makes decisions that result in how we live. The 12-step version of this is: “To thine own self be true.” A recipe for suffering is to willingly give up control. One of the most famous examples in the recovery world is to play the victim. Adults who choose to be victims suffer unnecessarily. And they certainly don’t inspire admiration. Watch just about any Hollywood film, and you will see the hero that faces great problems but who overcomes them with creativity and determination. We admire people who refuse to be victims.

1.2) Ask Life what it demands of you – Lots of people try to take control of their lives by attempting to control others and life. This is where all that manipulation and lying comes from. But, as life may have taught us already, this is not a good tactic. People do what they choose regardless of what we want them to do. Things happen regardless of what we want them to do. The 12-step version of this is: “Live life on life’s terms.”

1.3) Live comfortably in the gray areas of life – It is simply reality that often there are no black and white answers to life’s problems. If you struggle in this reality, it’s likely because you feel the need to be in complete control—a typical sign of great insecurity. Taking charge means accepting reality. (Those of you who are parents know that there are lots of gray areas with kids.). The 12-step version: “Do your part and leave the rest up to God.”

1.4) Be flexible – You are on a journey, and no one can predict the future. If your thinking is rigid, you’ll suffer unnecessarily. When (not if) a wrench is thrown into your plans, figure out a way around it or change your path.

Recommendation # Two: Live with Purpose

2.1) Set goals for yourself – Focus on today, but keep an eye on the future. Psychology is showing that happiness depends on moving forward toward what you want out of life. Unfortunately, many in recovery think that they have to focus only on keeping away from drugs and dealing with their personal “issues” of depression, guilt, anger, and so on. But we now know that if you don’t make progress toward some goals, your quality of life will suffer.

2.2) Live for more than yourself – The old idea of focusing only on yourself doesn’t work. We now know that living for something bigger than yourself is very important for happiness. Whatever that looks like is up to the individual. It’s a personal choice. Sunshine Coast alumni have reported various things they are living for: family, the environment, helping youth, playing music for audiences, volunteering with the homeless, and so on. Actor Christopher Reeve who, in spite of paralysis from the neck down due to a equestrian accident, lived for his wife, child, and for doing his part to raise money for spinal research.

2.3) Don’t get suckered by intensity – One of the key themes at Sunshine Coast is that addicts substitute living intensely for living meaningfully. Addicts love intensity. They love the adrenalin rush. They love excitement. Boredom often comes quickly and a great way to eliminate boredom (but only temporarily) is to do something intense. A much better tactic is to find something personally meaningful to fulfill.

Recommendation # Three: You are the Story You Tell Yourself

3.1) Change the Story You Tell Yourself – The way in which you make sense of life becomes your reality. If you think that recovery will be really difficult, then it will be difficult. If you think that having cravings is unacceptable, then they will be. If you think that it’s too embarrassing to go dancing clean and sober, then it will be. If you think you cannot have a good life until your parents change, then this will be your reality. The stories that we tell ourselves become our reality.

3.2) Just do it! – It is a remarkable fact that alumni who are thriving tell us one thing: they are doing things to help themselves. Action is more powerful than anything in recovery. Evidence of this is found in the Big Book of AA, the history of AA, and simply by talking to people who are happy in recovery – the story of AA is the story of men and women who took action to find a better life. This was not merely going to meetings. This was action in the home, at work, with friends, volunteering, and so on.

3.3) Never give up – You’ve probably heard this one on the television, in magazines, in movies. Psychologists call it various things, but a popular label right now is “resilience” or “hardiness.” This is the idea that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. (And it is one of those interesting facts that the typical millionaire in this country has gone broke six times before striking the jackpot. They didn’t give up.)

3.4) Making sense of success – Listen to how Kevin Spacey makes sense of success, the story he tells himself:

Recommendation # Four: Accept Reality

4.1) Accept suffering as natural – Despite all those advertisements that tell us suffering is bad and that we can fix it with a pill or whatever, the truth is that all people suffer. Suffering is not a bad thing. It’s how we grow as human beings. What’s bad is unnecessary suffering — suffering for no good reason.

4.2) Happiness is not the absence of suffering – Again, we seem to have this peculiar idea that to be happy, we must not suffer. If your remember your time at Sunshine Coast, you probably remember hearing about the great Viktor Frankl, who said that happiness is the byproduct of living the life you want to live. We really don’t have to work at being happy; it comes naturally as long as we are following our bliss.

4.3) Making a decision means you will lose – Most people who have a hard time making a decision recognize that deciding on one thing means they lose the other. If I go back to school, then I lose my paycheque. If I keep with my job, I don’t get trained for a new job. If I choose to have a better relationship with my family, I have to give up being the center of attention. If I choose to be assertive, I have to give up the safety of being passive. Losing out on something is not a bad thing; it is how the world works.

4.4) It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with what happens to you – we find that most Sunshine Coast clients have not figured out this truth. In life, sh*t happens. People will say “no” to us, life will often be “unfair,” people will hurt us. This is simply reality.

Summing Up: Recovery Tools from Dr. Wong

Much of the new program at Sunshine Coast is based on the work of Dr. Paul Wong. Dr. Wong comes up with all sorts of little sayings. If we think about them, though, we’ll see that there’s a lot of truth in them. Here are some:

“Everybody has a racehorse and a donkey. If you don’t pay attention to the racehorse, you’re stuck with the donkey.”

“If you look at your life and it’s like you’re always in the shadows, turn around, and start looking into the light.”

“If you don’t want to be criticized, then do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”

“Why do couples quarrel? Most of the time, arguments and getting angry with each other serve the function of (a) communicating their unhappiness and (b) avoiding to confront & resolve the real issues that underlie their dissatisfaction.”

“Conformers do what others do. Cowards do what is safe. Fools do what their desires dictate. Wise people do what is right.”

“All your striving, suffering and setbacks are worth it if you are pressing towards the worthy goal of a higher calling.”

“People may not know what kind of success will make them happy, but they do know that failures and rejections do make them feel unhappy. The best way to maintain a sense of peace and contentment is to rise above success and failure and focus on doing what really matters at the present moment without expectations.”

“When tragedy strikes, we may begin by asking WHY, but at some point we need to move on to ask: What can I do to give meaning to my suffering or what can I do to make life worth living in spite of pain?”

By Geoff Thompson, MA, CCC
Program Director
Sunshine Coast Health Center

The 2010 INPM conference with the theme of “Creating a Psychologically Healthy Workplace” turned out very well for all involved. It was great to hear from some of the leading experts about how well-being depends on meaning and purpose in life. And there were several experts in the addiction field talking, such as Ken Hart and Alan Marlatt. And many of the speakers talked about research on the treatment of addiction.

Most of the speakers geared their talks to the workplace but what they said applies to all aspects of life. A big topic was the difference between “happiness” and “meaning.” As you know from looking at the self-help section of bookstores, finding “happiness” is very big today. But the conference speakers did not have much faith that this would lead to a better life. The problem of making the goal of life to “be happy” is that human beings suffer. And some suffer terribly. If your goal is to be happy, then what happens when you’re having a bad day? What happens if your teenage son acts out or crashes the car? What happens if work is causing you grief? If your goal is to be happy, you’re going to fail a great deal of the time.

But if your goal is to find meaning, then you don’t expect to be “happy” all the time. One of the things the speakers pointed out is that to be human is to suffer. It is as natural to life as a heart beat. At Sunshine Coast, all of our clients have suffered because of addiction. But those with good recovery actually tell us that they are “thankful” they were addicts. They are thankful for suffering because it helped them discover a more satisfying way of living. That’s a truism of human nature. We grow by overcoming our problems. Without problems, how would we grow? On the other hand, if your goal is to be happy, you certainly wouldn’t be thankful for suffering. You’d see that as a total failure.

Another problem that many of the conference presenters pointed out about trying to be “happy” is that it is self-centered. If your goal is happiness, then you have to walk about the universe asking yourself, “Am I happy?” Think about that. If your concern is your own happiness, how much attention will you pay to others? And if you don’t pay attention to others you’ll be lonely and isolated.

There were lots of interesting speakers at the conference, and in this article we’ll talk about four, whose talks are relevant to addiction and recovery.

Part One—Todd Kashdan

Dr. Todd Kashdan is a remarkable research psychologist. He’s only 35, and he’s published 100 articles and book chapters, all about meaning and purpose. And he’s written a book, “Curious.” At the conference he talked about one study he did with alcoholics, which should be of great help to understanding addiction and recovery.

The research projected asked drinkers to carry around a beeper. When the beeper went off, they wrote down what they were feeling. And there were also specific times that he asked the drinkers to write down their feelings, such as just before they were going to drink.

The results were fascinating. It turns out that all the participants had intense feelings. Some were happy, some sad, some mad. But there was no link between the intensity of the feeling and the amount of alcohol they drank. This seems to contradict much of our belief about why people drink. Clients at Sunshine Coast often claim they get loaded because of an angry outburst with their partner or bad feelings at work or because they felt good and wanted to feel better.

According to Dr. Kashdan’s study, however, the real link with drinking was whether the person could describe his or her feelings. For example, if the participant wrote, “I feel bad,” then he would likely drink a lot. “Feeling bad” is not very descriptive. No detail. The person really couldn’t make sense of what he or she was feeling. But those who wrote, ‘I was feeling guilty because I raised my voice to a friend, and that’s not who I am’ would not drink that much. In other words, if the person could make sense of his emotions, he would drink significantly less.

So the link between emotions and drinking is not the intensity of the emotion; rather, it depends on whether he or she could name and detail what they were feeling. In other words, the key was whether the person could find meaning in the emotions. This ability is a big part of finding meaning and purpose in life.

Part Two—Alex Pattakos

Dr. Alex Pattakos is known as “Dr. Meaning.” The Fanny Kiefer show in Vancouver learned he was speaking at the conference and interviewed him, just to give you a sense of Dr. Pattakos’ reputation. He’s written a famous book called, “Prisoners of our Thoughts.”

Pattakos basically takes Viktor Frankl’s theories and boils them down to make them understandable for everyone.

In past articles I have mentioned Frankl’s belief that each of us is free to choose the attitude we take toward something or someone. An example here is addiction. Most clients at Sunshine Coast are angry at their addiction. It has caused them lots of suffering. Later, in recovery, many people change their attitude toward the addiction. Some people even say that they are “thankful” for their addiction. The key to a good attitude is if it works for you. If being angry at your addiction is helpful, then it’s a good idea to stay angry at it. But if your attitude toward your addiction is that you really miss alcohol and drugs because you love to get high, then this likely won’t work out well for your recovery. But the point is that you have the freedom to change your attitude.

Pattakos also talks about Frankl’s idea of “de-reflection.” Basically, de-reflection means changing your focus on some matter. He uses the example of “complaining.” Complaining is a common pastime for those with addiction problems. But the problem with complaining is that it does not solve anything; in fact, it usually reinforces a belief of being a victim. In his book, Pattakos relates the story of where he used to work. The staff complained so much about conditions that they went on strike. Pattakos’ boss said, “Good for them! However, the show must go on, so let’s see what we can do without them.” His boss used de-reflection, switching the focus from dwelling on all the problems due to the strike to dwelling on solutions.

Frankl also stressed the need for action. Pattakos provides exercises at the end of each chapter for the reader to consider. Although the topics are different, the key question is ‘What did you actually do about the problem’. It’s not enough in life to simply think about things you don’t like or wish for something better for yourself. You actually have to DO something to change your life. This is a common problem for those in recovery. Clients often have a good intellectual knowledge of what they have to do and still suffer. The key is to act, not merely think about it.

A third example in Pattakos’ book is that people often work against themselves. This is very true for those in recovery. They may know that they have to make new clean and sober friends, yet they keep in touch only with their using buddies. They may be trying to recover but refuse to give up going to the bar for their social life (they try to get away with drinking soda water). They may want a better relationship with their spouse, but they are always ready for an argument. In each of these cases, the person is working against himself.

Part Three—Paul Wong

Dr. Paul Wong, whose ideas form the basis for the new program at Sunshine Coast, gave a talk on meaning-centered therapy.

To help the audience understand this therapy, he volunteered a psychiatrist to show how a psychiatrist works with patients, and Geoff to show how a meaning-centered therapist conducts therapy. When Dr. Wong asked the audience what differences they saw between the psychiatrist and Geoff, they observed that a meaning-centered approach treated the client as a human being first. The psychiatrist was more interested in keying on the patient’s problem.

At Sunshine Coast, we see the client as a unique human being, who happens to have an addiction. We see the human being first, rather than some patient that needs to be diagnosed and fixed.

After this little demonstration, Dr. Wong talked about “basic human needs.” These needs, according to his research, are: meaning (vs emptiness), virtue (vs destructive way of life), resilience (vs. giving up), relationships (vs. loneliness and alienation), hope (vs despair and depression), faith (vs. fear), and well-being (vs. boredom, brokenness).

If a therapist sees a client as a human being, then the therapist is interested in these basic needs. The problem is that each client has to find his own way of satisfying these needs; if he doesn’t, he will suffer unnecessarily. This is why, at Sunshine Coast, therapists never tell clients what to do or how to live their lives or what they should think. No therapist can provide the answer to a client’s basic needs. That’s their job. It’s just not possible for a therapist to give a client well-being if they are bored. It’s not possible for a therapist to give a client a relationship, if they are lonely. No therapist can ‘fix’ a client.

Part Four—Alexander Batthyany

Dr. Alexander Batthyany is head of the science and research department at the Viktor Frankl Institute in Vienna. He is also a professor of psychology at the University of Vienna.

Needless to say, he’s one of the world’s leading experts on Frankl. In his talk, he spoke about how Viktor Frankl interpreted what it means to live a good life. Clients at Sunshine Coast are told the story of Frankl’s experiences in the Nazi death camps. From these experiences, he developed the idea that human beings can choose how to live their lives. Even though the prison guards controlled their bodies, Frankl said that prisoners could still choose to control their minds.

Dr. Batthyany said that if someone punches you, and you are angry about it, you still get to choose how you will react. If, out of anger, you punch him back, then you choose to be aggressive. On the other hand, you can choose not to punch him back and find another way of dealing with it. So you have choices, or, as Dr. Batthyany put it, “There are lots of potential selves” you can choose from; which you choose dictates who you are. This is also what Frankl called “freedom.” You are free to choose your life.

In other words, it is not the circumstances that dictate your life, but how you react to the circumstances.

Dr. Batthyany also said it was a waste of time to pursue happiness, and anyone whose goal is “to be happy” will soon discover that this is not a good approach. Batthyany said that people whose goal is happiness ask themselves two questions: “Did I get what I want?” and “Am I feeling good.” Since it’s impossible always to get what you want and it’s impossible always to feel good, then these people are doomed.

Geoff Thompson, Program Director for the Sunshine Coast Health Centre, concludes his four part series on the link between meaningful work, happiness and recovery. One of the things that Geoff has noticed with clients is that most (but not all) who have found happiness also have work that they find to be fulfilling.