Drug Rehab Center

“In order to change, one must first assume responsibility.” ~ Irvin Yalom

“How can we learn to know ourselves? Never by reflection but by action.” ~ Viktor Frankl

In the first instalment of this 4-part series, Geoff emphasizes the important of committing to change. In his years working with clients in residential addiction treatment, Geoff has observed that clients often have personal stories that excuse them from taking action towards achieving their dreams and desires. For example, many clients want to be sure that going back to school is going to pan out. They may rationalize their inaction by suggesting the possibility that they may not end up with a job after completing their degree or that they may lose interest in their studies after a few years. Geoff has found that many clients have been thinking about going back to school for 5 years or more without having committed to a single course, never mind a degree.

In part 2 of of this 4-part series on taking action in recovery, Geoff Thompson talks about the struggle of taking action in recovery. It’s human nature that we prefer talking about or planning for change than actually doing it (think of Nike’s commercial, ‘Just Do It.’). We often imagine this type of avoidance as a form of laziness, like watching TV when we know we should be, for example, shovelling snow. However, we can just as easily avoid doing what needs to be done by doing something else admirable or what society thinks is time well spent. Geoff calls this ‘action as avoidance’ in that we keep ourselves busy to justify not doing that which is uncomfortable. For example, many men needlessly work late night after night while their home life is in tatters. While hard work is an admirable quality, it is often used as a way to avoid the discomfort of, for example, reconnecting with family. So, procrastination isn’t necessarily sitting around watching TV – we can procrastinate while still taking action. For example, does the lawn really need to be mowed tonight or, truthfully, are you just using it as an excuse not to go a meeting? Those in recovery need to ask themselves if what they are doing is contributing to their recovery or living a fulfilling life or just a way of avoiding making substantial, meaningful change in their life.

In this 3rd instalment, Geoff clarifies what he means by taking action in recovery. Psychologists tell us that you can learn lots of things in treatment but if you don’t put it into action it doesn’t help all that much. However, action that is meant to keep clients from getting bored or to distract themselves so they don’t have time to think about drugs or alcohol is only a short-term solution. In other words, it is much more useful to live life and take action with a purpose. What is our purpose? Geoff suggests that one of our purposes is to be true to ourselves, to live authentically. We all need to spend our time doing something that is fulfilling rather than merely passing the time.

“I TOOK A LONG, DEEP BREATH AND WONDERED AS USUAL, WHERE TO START. YOU START WHERE YOU ARE, IS THE SECRET OF LIFE. YOU DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING YOU CAN SEE. THEN THE NEXT.” ~ Anne Lamott

In this fourth and final instalment of this video series, Geoff sums up his talk on moving beyond thinking about recovery and taking action. To use a popular recovery metaphor, it’s about putting the tools in your toolbox to use. In his book, Not God, Ernie Kurtz records the history of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement. This account is not about the theory of addiction but, rather, is a historical account of tangible actions people in the early days of the recovery movement took to stay sober and support one another. What these early pioneers of the AA movement did was what saved them and helped build AA.

However, it is important to remember that action must have a purpose and a direction. Action cannot be a mere distraction, as a trick to keep us from thinking about drugs or alcohol or to make us feel important and useful. If people find themselves incapable of taking action, it is important to remember the advice of Anne Lamott who encourages those who are stuck to, if they don’t know what to do, do the next right thing. Finally, as Irvin Yalom tells us, it is important to make a commitment to action. Once one really commits, everything changes.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said:

Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

Naysayers may say that talk like this is a set-up which can end up in failure. Geoff reminds us that in baseball a .333 average can make a ballplayer a very wealthy man, even though they fail 2 out 3 attempts. We learn by our failures.

In this five-part series, Cathy extends her greatest wishes for families impacted by addiction. In part 4, Cathy encourages families to find their ‘North Star’ – that which inspires us, that over-arching goal, helping us move toward a greater, more fulfilling over-all purpose in life.

In part 3 of ‘What works in addiction treatment’, Geoff discusses one of the keys of successful recovery – getting a sense of connection with others. It is probably the most consistent finding of research and the most consistent factor from feedback from our clients. In practical terms, this would mean connecting to their counsellor or to their peer group. This need for meaningful connection may also explain the success of support groups such as AA, NA and Lifering.

From a psychological point of view, we know from research that we are ‘relational beings’ that are ‘hardwired’ to connect with others. Researcher Roy Baumeister theorizes that human children take much longer than other animals to reach maturity because they have to learn how to be ‘social’ animals. Many clients in our program express feelings of loneliness, of isolating. This is a key characteristic of addiction. Forming an authentic, deeply emotional connection is, apparently, key to breaking the addiction cycle.

Welcome to the 4th segment on what researchers have observed when addiction treatment works. A common thing researchers find is that there is often a shift in thinking, that people begin to think in a new way. This new way of thinking involves the ability to see another perspective, even someone else’s perspective. For example, those successful in recovery may no longer take it personally when they get cut off in traffic, realizing that it is a complete stranger in the other car. In those instances when it may be personal, for example when a friend offers them a beer after completing treatment, instead of getting offended or hurt they may consider the possibility that the person thinks that treatment cures addiction, that those cured can drink again. Maybe the world is not out to get you.

Psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis used to say that if a person can change the way they think about things it will help them feel better about themselves. When a person feels better about themselves the way the react in life (their behaviour) will also change for the better. The technical term for a shift in thinking is ‘cognitive restructuring’.

By Geoff Thompson – MA, CCC
Program Director
Sunshine Coast Health Center

Introduction

Anyone interested in recovery can find any number of videos and books that define what an addiction is and how to recover from it. Today, of course, the brain chemistry argument is huge, and if one believes that drugs hijack the brain then recovery is a matter of simply doing helpful things until such time as the withdrawal lessens. Today, this includes an emphasis on relapse prevention techniques, diet, exercise, sleep hygiene, and so on. Other experts provide us with help on how to deal with anger and other emotions that seem to accompany addiction. Still other experts recommend understanding one’s place in the family and how addiction has been a response to family dysfunction.

All these are valuable, but they seem to tell us that the key to recovery is to focus on this or that aspect of life. At Sunshine Coast Health Center, we help clients with any medical issues, diet, and exercise and with any psychological issues such as anger, guilt, depression, anxiety, etc. In addition, we help clients with family matters. But we place a special emphasis on what it means to be human. There are certain dynamics in being human that seem to be true, regardless of what family we grew up in or what country we were born in or what era we lived.

It’s interesting that some people seem to think that addicts shouldn’t be human in recovery or, at least, that they magically don’t operate by the same principles that all human beings operate. For instance, some people seem to think that addicts can just change habits and thinking that they’ve used to survive in the world for years. Stick the addict in a treatment center for a few weeks, and he’ll be cured.

Many of our clients have this idea as well. They rely on exercise and diet to keep them clean and sober, or they believe that attending 12-step meetings alone will lead to the good life, or they think that if they could just reduce the stress at work they will have no problem with substances. But human beings are very complicated creatures. And we know that addiction operates at deep psychological levels — if it didn’t, we would have eliminated the problem a long, long time ago.

At Sunshine Coast, we define addiction in line with the great psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, who believed that addiction was a response to living a life that has little personal meaning. As valuable as exercise, diet, relieving anger or depression, reducing stress at work, and other tactics are, recovery has to address the feeling that life is, to borrow a phrase from Narcotics Anonymous, “meaningless, monotonous and boring.” Such a feeling affects us as total human beings — physically, emotionally, mentally. Because it is at the core of addiction, the emptiness that addicts talk about their lives pervades their physical bodies, their attitude, their emotions, their thoughts, their actions.

Human beings live by principles that seem to operate regardless of what family one is raised or what country or what era. If we do not account for these human qualities, chances are that recovery will not be very successful. Addiction is an entirely understandable response if one feels he doesn’t belong, he is different, that sober life is boring, and so on. It is a very human response to do something that makes one feel vital and alive, even if it lasts only temporarily. 

In this article, we’ll look at a few of these principles of what it means to be human. And, of course, we’ll borrow some ideas from Viktor Frankl.
 
Principle #1: You are a Whole Human Being (Wholeness)

When we follow up with clients after they have left treatment, we are often surprised that they focus only on one part of themselves. Perhaps they spend enormous time and energy in a recovery group, such as AA or NA. Perhaps they spend a great deal of time focusing on their physical health. Perhaps they spend the vast majority of their time focused on family.

All this is good. But it’s important to remember that people cannot be reduced to one or two or three aspects of their lives. People are complex wholes. The great psychologist, Rollo May, said that each of us lives in three worlds at the same time. One world is the physical world, another is our interactions with others, and the third is the world inside our heads. Paying attention to our physical health is important but so is our relationship with others and our self-awareness. Going to AA or NA meetings is great, but so is the time spent with families and friends in the community, and time we reflect on our own lives.

One of the things we’ve discovered from research is that the idea of “addiction” appeared only when people started to compartmentalize their lives. Work and family and play more or less happened in the same place, often at the same time. Then what is known as the industrial revolution hit (somewhere around the mid-1700s). We started going to the workplace, which was different than the home. When we wanted a drink, we went to the Public House (the Pub). There was a time for work and a time for family and a time for fun and a time to be religious. We started fragmenting our lives. We began living our lives in separate compartments, as if we were not whole, unified individuals. We put on a different face depending on where we were, behaving differently depending on whether we were at work or with family or with friends or at church. Interestingly, the industrial revolution seems to be a time when major mental health issues suddenly appeared.

Principle #2: You Must Grow as a Person (Growth)

One of important things to realize about yourself is that well-being depends on your growing emotionally as a person. This means overcoming challenges, pursuing dreams, gaining self-awareness, being true to yourself. Psychologist Abraham Maslow described in 1954 a theory of motivation, which has laid the foundation for the principle that the individual has an inherent tendency toward self-actualization. Similarly, psychologist Carl Rogers believed that “there is an inevitable directional course in people and all forms of life toward increased complexity, differentiation, evolution, completion, and wholeness.”

Those who do not grow run into trouble. Psychologist Rollo May said that if someone is “not growing toward something, he does not merely stagnate; the pent-up potentialities turn into morbidity and despair, and eventually into destructive activities.” What he meant by this is that each of us has a natural tendency to grow and develop mentally; if we interrupt this process, we run into big problems. The addict is one example of someone who stops growing because his or her mission in life is to satisfy the addiction, leaving all those other things, such as love and dreams, forgotten.

What is particularly interesting is that modern research has indicated that if the addict can overcome barriers to this growth process, then a transformational change in values and beliefs often results. And you may recall from previous online programs where we talked about Joseph Campbell and his recipe for happiness: “Follow your bliss.” When you follow your bliss, when you are true to yourself, then it will feel as if hands are magically helping you through life. You will begin to meet people who seemed as if they came out of nowhere. In fact, they were there all along; you simply didn’t see them until you were on the right path.

Consideration #3: You are Responsible for Your Life (Responsibility)

Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom described what it means to be responsible for your life: “Responsibility means authorship. To be aware of responsibility is to be aware of creating one’s own self [identity], destiny, life predicament, feelings, and, if such be the case, one’s own suffering.” True, advances in psychology have shown that most of our decisions are unconscious, but we must ask, with Yalom, “Whose unconscious is it?”

The idea that each of us is the author of his or her life continues to be one of the most difficult for those in early recovery to grasp. It’s not a simple idea. It means that, fundamentally, your life is the result of the choices you make, as well as luck, where you were born, your genetics, and so on. But it is the choices that you make that have the most impact on the kind of life you lead, the amount of suffering you endure, how others see you, and how you see yourself.

Clients attending Sunshine Coast Health Center soon learn that our counsellors spend a lot of time trying to help them figure out how to take control of their lives – to be the author of their own lives. The AA version of this is “To thine own self be true.” Psychologically, this is necessary for good mental and emotional health. But it’s tough because it’s so easy to retreat to playing a victim or blaming others or life for suffering. In fact, it’s well known in the addictions field that addicts use drugs as an attempt to control their moods. The drug offers a proven, reliable method to achieve a certain altered state of consciousness. Well, at least for a period of time, until the strategy backfires.

Yalom was a firm believer that to be the author of your life, it was not enough to be aware of this fact—you have to do something. Action is an essential component of responsibility. This takes practice. It’s no good knowing that you are the author of your life if you continue to be passive and not stick up for yourself. It’s no good being the author of your life, if your actions don’t match your beliefs and values. It’s no good trying to be the author of your life when what is really controlling you is a drug.

Consideration #4: You Have Many Untapped Abilities (Potentiality)

Human beings have a remarkable capacity to dig deep inside when things get tough. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Of course, when the going gets tough, some people crash and burn. But the reality is that they have it within themselves to overcome great adversity—if they believed it and were willing to work.

When people are motivated enough, they can find courage, resilience, hope, forgiveness, and other qualities that psychiatrist Viktor Frankl described as the “defiant human spirit.”  Of course, all of us have to face certain givens of existence, such as the knowledge that we will die. But there are many positive givens of existence. Even in the worst possible circumstances, as Frankl told us about the Nazi death camps, human beings are still free to choose the attitude they take toward the situation. At Sunshine Coast, we promote the client’s ability to transcend biological and environmental limitations, take control of their lives, turn failures into learning experiences, and so on. 

Here is one example of an alumnus who tapped into his defiant human spirit. Harry was in his mid-20s and was overwhelmed by his family. He relied on them for money, since he spent all of his on drugs. He relied on them for his truck, since they had bought it for him and it was in their name. He relied on them for a place to stay, since they were helping pay his mortgage. In fact, Harry had relied on his family pretty much during his whole life.

His family told him that they would help him out with money but only under strict conditions: he had to be drug-tested regularly, he had to have a job, he had to go to 12-step meetings everyday, and so on. Harry told us that he felt as if he were “being held hostage.” At Sunsine Coast, we, of course, helped him understand that he is the author of his life.

He had to make a decision whether to accept the deal his family gave him or not. It took Harry most of his time in treatment to figure this out, but in the end he decided that the money was not worth the cost of his desire to feel free. So he decided to decline the family’s deal and went off on his own.

This was really a courageous act on Harry’s part. He gave up all the safety and ease of his family’s money for the unknown world, with only himself to rely on. Interestingly, within a year, he had found a good-paying job, rented a nice place, bought a car. When the family saw this, they too were very impressed. But, most important, Harry told us that he feels so much better now.

By Geoff Thompson, MA, CCC
Program Director
Sunshine Coast Health Center

In this article, we’ll take a look at some of the tools we give Sunshine Coast clients in their recovery toolbox. Lots of alumni have told us that life is great now. They’ve blown the smoke off their lives and had a good, long look about what it is they want out of life. And they are putting in the time and effort and creativity to achieve goals.

But some alumni are struggling, even if they have not had a slip. They usually tell us that they have lost sight of goals, are dwelling on a family conflict or problem at work, afraid to take risks that will challenge them, are living life for others, and so on. This article is an overview of what clients learn at Sunshine Coast.

The bottom line for all these tools is this: we all have one life to live. No thunderbolt from the heavens is going to save us. That’s our job. Our alumni who are already taking charge of their lives know this is true, because they tell us it is. Those who are struggling also know this is true — they suffer because they don’t do anything about it. We typically hear from those who are struggling, “I know what I have to do but I’m not doing it” or “I’m not following my aftercare plan.”

Whatever we choose, the question to ask ourselves is this: How is my life working out for me? If we are unhappy, or feel that something is missing, then this is a sign that we need to do something to change things. The great addict-writer William S. Burroughs said that no one ever wants to be an addict. This is one of the main reasons why addicts suffer. They spend a lot of time and effort pursuing a life that they really don’t want. So, the job for those in recovery is to find a life that they do want.

In recovery, this life isn’t going to just drop into our laps. We actually have to work at it.

Recommendation # One: Take Charge of Your Life 

                               
1.1) Be the author of your life – Some of the greatest psychologists remind us that each person is in charge of his or her life. Each of us makes decisions that result in how we live. The 12-step version of this is: “To thine own self be true.” A recipe for suffering is to willingly give up control. One of the most famous examples in the recovery world is to play the victim. Adults who choose to be victims suffer unnecessarily. And they certainly don’t inspire admiration. Watch just about any Hollywood film, and you will see the hero that faces great problems but who overcomes them with creativity and determination. We admire people who refuse to be victims.

1.2) Ask Life what it demands of you – Lots of people try to take control of their lives by attempting to control others and life. This is where all that manipulation and lying comes from. But, as life may have taught us already, this is not a good tactic. People do what they choose regardless of what we want them to do. Things happen regardless of what we want them to do. The 12-step version of this is: “Live life on life’s terms.”

1.3) Live comfortably in the gray areas of life – It is simply reality that often there are no black and white answers to life’s problems. If you struggle in this reality, it’s likely because you feel the need to be in complete control—a typical sign of great insecurity. Taking charge means accepting reality. (Those of you who are parents know that there are lots of gray areas with kids.). The 12-step version: “Do your part and leave the rest up to God.”

1.4) Be flexible – You are on a journey, and no one can predict the future. If your thinking is rigid, you’ll suffer unnecessarily. When (not if) a wrench is thrown into your plans, figure out a way around it or change your path.

Recommendation # Two: Live with Purpose

2.1) Set goals for yourself – Focus on today, but keep an eye on the future. Psychology is showing that happiness depends on moving forward toward what you want out of life. Unfortunately, many in recovery think that they have to focus only on keeping away from drugs and dealing with their personal “issues” of depression, guilt, anger, and so on. But we now know that if you don’t make progress toward some goals, your quality of life will suffer.

2.2) Live for more than yourself – The old idea of focusing only on yourself doesn’t work. We now know that living for something bigger than yourself is very important for happiness. Whatever that looks like is up to the individual. It’s a personal choice. Sunshine Coast alumni have reported various things they are living for: family, the environment, helping youth, playing music for audiences, volunteering with the homeless, and so on. Actor Christopher Reeve who, in spite of paralysis from the neck down due to a equestrian accident, lived for his wife, child, and for doing his part to raise money for spinal research.

2.3) Don’t get suckered by intensity – One of the key themes at Sunshine Coast is that addicts substitute living intensely for living meaningfully. Addicts love intensity. They love the adrenalin rush. They love excitement. Boredom often comes quickly and a great way to eliminate boredom (but only temporarily) is to do something intense. A much better tactic is to find something personally meaningful to fulfill.

Recommendation # Three: You are the Story You Tell Yourself

3.1) Change the Story You Tell Yourself – The way in which you make sense of life becomes your reality. If you think that recovery will be really difficult, then it will be difficult. If you think that having cravings is unacceptable, then they will be. If you think that it’s too embarrassing to go dancing clean and sober, then it will be. If you think you cannot have a good life until your parents change, then this will be your reality. The stories that we tell ourselves become our reality.

3.2) Just do it! – It is a remarkable fact that alumni who are thriving tell us one thing: they are doing things to help themselves. Action is more powerful than anything in recovery. Evidence of this is found in the Big Book of AA, the history of AA, and simply by talking to people who are happy in recovery – the story of AA is the story of men and women who took action to find a better life. This was not merely going to meetings. This was action in the home, at work, with friends, volunteering, and so on.

3.3) Never give up – You’ve probably heard this one on the television, in magazines, in movies. Psychologists call it various things, but a popular label right now is “resilience” or “hardiness.” This is the idea that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. (And it is one of those interesting facts that the typical millionaire in this country has gone broke six times before striking the jackpot. They didn’t give up.)

3.4) Making sense of success – Listen to how Kevin Spacey makes sense of success, the story he tells himself:

Recommendation # Four: Accept Reality

4.1) Accept suffering as natural – Despite all those advertisements that tell us suffering is bad and that we can fix it with a pill or whatever, the truth is that all people suffer. Suffering is not a bad thing. It’s how we grow as human beings. What’s bad is unnecessary suffering — suffering for no good reason.

4.2) Happiness is not the absence of suffering – Again, we seem to have this peculiar idea that to be happy, we must not suffer. If your remember your time at Sunshine Coast, you probably remember hearing about the great Viktor Frankl, who said that happiness is the byproduct of living the life you want to live. We really don’t have to work at being happy; it comes naturally as long as we are following our bliss.

4.3) Making a decision means you will lose – Most people who have a hard time making a decision recognize that deciding on one thing means they lose the other. If I go back to school, then I lose my paycheque. If I keep with my job, I don’t get trained for a new job. If I choose to have a better relationship with my family, I have to give up being the center of attention. If I choose to be assertive, I have to give up the safety of being passive. Losing out on something is not a bad thing; it is how the world works.

4.4) It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with what happens to you – we find that most Sunshine Coast clients have not figured out this truth. In life, sh*t happens. People will say “no” to us, life will often be “unfair,” people will hurt us. This is simply reality.

Summing Up: Recovery Tools from Dr. Wong

Much of the new program at Sunshine Coast is based on the work of Dr. Paul Wong. Dr. Wong comes up with all sorts of little sayings. If we think about them, though, we’ll see that there’s a lot of truth in them. Here are some:

“Everybody has a racehorse and a donkey. If you don’t pay attention to the racehorse, you’re stuck with the donkey.”

“If you look at your life and it’s like you’re always in the shadows, turn around, and start looking into the light.”

“If you don’t want to be criticized, then do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”

“Why do couples quarrel? Most of the time, arguments and getting angry with each other serve the function of (a) communicating their unhappiness and (b) avoiding to confront & resolve the real issues that underlie their dissatisfaction.”

“Conformers do what others do. Cowards do what is safe. Fools do what their desires dictate. Wise people do what is right.”

“All your striving, suffering and setbacks are worth it if you are pressing towards the worthy goal of a higher calling.”

“People may not know what kind of success will make them happy, but they do know that failures and rejections do make them feel unhappy. The best way to maintain a sense of peace and contentment is to rise above success and failure and focus on doing what really matters at the present moment without expectations.”

“When tragedy strikes, we may begin by asking WHY, but at some point we need to move on to ask: What can I do to give meaning to my suffering or what can I do to make life worth living in spite of pain?”

Gy Geoff Thompson, MA, CCC
Program Director
Sunshine Coast Health Center

Everything one does in life, even love, occurs in an express train racing toward death. To smoke opium is to get out of the train while it is still moving. It is to concern oneself with something other than life or death. ~ Jean Cocteau

According to Geoff, how addicts interpret time is one of the keys to recovery. For example, when one experiences a craving, does one give in to them or does one look toward the future and let the craving pass because to do otherwise would sabotage their hopes and dreams for the future.