Drug Rehab Center

By Geoff Thompson, M.A., CCC

Sunshine Coast Health Center always likes to hear from alumni. This is true even if they have had a slip or relapse — alumni are always encouraged to stay in touch. There is no ned to feel that they have ‘let us down’ if life isn’t going well since we’re all in this together.

Alumni feedback is so important to improving our program. When we talk to former clients, perhaps the most common theme we hear is the importance of putting newfound knowledge into ACTION. Without action, knowledge remains hidden. In fact, alumni have shown us that if they don’t do something concrete with all their knowledge gained from treatment, they can feel even more stress.

Here’s an example. One alumnus told us that he has been struggling for many months; life doesn’t seem to be getting better. At the same time he told us that he knows it would help him to get a sponsor and home group.

But he hasn’t taken the concrete action of finding a sponsor or home group. He’s been telling us this for a while now, and it is obviously playing on his mind, and he keeps beating himself up for not acting.

He says he’s a procrastinator, and perhaps he’s afraid of settling into a 12-Step program. But, for whatever reason, he is sitting back and waiting … with predictable results.

This is just one small example of what we hear from alumni. And we hear many, many stories of how alumni have found a better life. From this information, patterns emerge that help us deepen our understanding of some of the pitfalls and guides on the road to recovery.

Let’s review some of the patterns that we’ve discovered, things that have worked for the alumni and the struggles they have faced.

Pattern #1 – Leaving the shadow behind

A psychologist and university professor, Dr. Paul Wong, invents little sayings as a way of helping his clients and students remember fundamental principles of living a satisfying life. One of his sayings is: “The best way to put the shadow behind you is to turn around and start moving toward the sun.”

What he means is that some of us dwell on past behaviors and situations that can never be changed. Perhaps we stole money from parents or family to pay for drugs; perhaps we lied to lovers to try to hide our addiction; perhaps we were not the best fathers we could have been. Perhaps we put our companies at risk by not attending to important business matters. All of these are common dynamics of our powerlessness over drugs and alcohol. But the past is a done deal, and nothing is going to change it.

Many clients believe that by dwelling on the dark side, their guilt and shame, that they will somehow come to terms with these uncomfortable and stressful feelings. However, a better approach for alumni is to “turn around” and start their goals and dreams.

Pattern #2 – Overcoming loneliness

A common theme we hear from alumni who are doing well in their recovery is that they’ve learned how to deal with loneliness. Similarly, we also hear regularly that those who have not dealt with loneliness often slip.

It is one of the most horrible factors of addiction that we push others away. A typical addict in the final stages of using often hides away from others and uses, or finds some sense of community by hanging out with other addicts. But, as many of our alumni have discovered, the addict’s most important relationship is with the drug, so even if there are others around, they take second place to the drug.

In recovery, we are forced to face loneliness. And now we don’t even have the help of drugs or the drug lifestyle to numb or distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings.

Some of our alumni know that one of my favorite sayings is, “You are the author of your life.” It is up to you to deal with loneliness. If you run into the arms of a friend because it is quick and simple, then you aren’t dealing with loneliness. You’re using another person to take away your pain. One client put it this way: “It’s hard to feel lonely when you’re naked in bed next to someone.”

Pattern #3 – Keeping an eye on the prize

When clients leave Sunshine Coast, they have a recovery plan based on goals they want to achieve in various areas of their lives.

But life usually throws us curveballs, and alumni have told us that a danger is to get sidetracked because of money, relationships, illness, and who knows how many other interruptions.

Here’s a typical example: “I was offered a job making lots of money. But it was up North and away from my family. My wife didn’t like the idea, but we could save a lot of money in a year and pay off our debts. And I was only going to do it for one year.”

This is a good plan, but it has many risks. For this particular alumnus, it became dangerous. He told us that he got caught up working (workaholism) and the lure of money was so powerful that he forgot the things that were really meaningful to him: love and family and pursuing his dream job. Because of the money, the one year he planned to spend up North just came and went.

Pattern #4 — Living a balanced life

Almost all the alumni who tell us that they are living a balanced life are doing well. According to many psychologists, a balanced life means paying attention to the social, emotional, thinking, occupational, physical, and spiritual parts of daily life. Technically, these are called the six dimensions of wellness.

These alumni tell us that they have made new friends in recovery and rebuilt friendships lost due to drugs. They have found new jobs or new pleasures in jobs that used to be merely a paycheque. They have dealt with emotional issues that used to overwhelm them, such as guilt and anger and resentments. They have regular physical exercise, eat a healthy diet, and sleep well. They pay attention to immediate goals, but always have an eye on the future.

On the other hand, alumni who tell us that they work 12 hours a day and don’t see their family much, are exhausted from work and just order a pizza or fast food, have a hard time making friends in recovery, find life boring, etc, have been prone to relapse and the dry drunk syndrome.

Pattern # 5 — Being true to one’s self

One of the most noticeable dynamics that seems to work for alumni is to be true to themselves. On one side of the AA chips is the saying, “To thine own self be true.” It’s there for a reason. Research has confirmed that following your dreams and goals is fundamental to human happiness.

Those alumni who live by fear and guilt are inevitably suffering. This is a very sad and makes recovery so much more difficult. It’s often hard to follow your bliss when you’re overwhelmed with guilt over your past behaviors and too afraid to take risks that would lead to feeling better.

One alumnus told us that he wanted to change jobs, but this would mean returning to school. He was older and worried that he would not fit in a class of younger students. And he was concerned about finances, having gone into debt because of his addiction.

Another alumnus told us that he was going to six AA meetings a week. He didn’t do this because he found them inspiring; rather, he went to the meetings because it made his partner feel better. But he was bored and it took a real effort to attend so many meetings. He felt obligated to do what his partner wanted, not what he believed.

Conclusion

Alumni that struggle in recovery can often attribute this to (1) dwelling on the past, (2) isolating from others, (3) getting sidetracked, (4) neglecting their health, and (5) and not living authentically. The good news for alumni is that getting back on track is sometimes as simple as a quick review of their discharge plan and a telephone call to Sunshine Coast or their inner circle for support and direction. After all, far better to take action and learn from the experience than do nothing and drift back into old habits.

Tags: action, alumni, balance, loneliness, Paul Wong, procrastination, recovery, shadow

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 4th, 2008 at 1:12 am and is filed under Addiction Recovery (Life After Treatment). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.